The Kingdom Glow

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
— Proverbs 13:12

I didn’t plan to feel this way.
Not after all the prayers.
Not after what I believed God showed me.
Not after I stood in faith, fasted, wept, and waited.

But here I am—tired. Doubtful.
Starting to wonder: Did I even hear Him right?
Was I just holding onto a voice I imagined in my desperation?

I thought it was a promise from God.
But maybe it was just me…
And that thought? It’s the loneliest place I’ve ever stood.

My heart is sick, Lord.
Not because I don’t love You, but because I did.
I believed You.
And now I don’t know what to do with the silence.

Every delay feels like a denial.
Every closed door feels like a “No” to the “Yes” I thought You gave.
And the waiting has turned into wondering:
Was I wrong? Am I crazy? Did I miss You?

I used to think disappointment meant I lacked faith.
Now I know it just means I’m human—and I loved something enough to hope.

And even in this raw, aching place, I’m learning:

God can handle my honesty.
I don’t have to pretend I’m okay.
If I’m angry, numb, or falling apart—He stays.

Even doubt doesn’t disqualify me.
He doesn’t walk away when I whisper, “Where are You?”
He draws closer when I think I’m losing it.

I don’t have the answers.
I don’t know why the waiting hurts this long, or why the silence echoes this loud.
But I know I’m not crazy for trusting God.

Maybe I heard Him right, and the timing just hasn’t arrived.
Maybe I didn’t—but He’s still good, and He’s still writing beauty into my life.

So today, I’m laying down the fear of missing it.
I’m handing Him the weight of waiting.
And even if the promise takes longer—or looks different—I’ll keep walking with Him.

One breath at a time.
One surrendered hope at a time.


Have you ever doubted the promise God gave you?
You’re not alone. You’re not forgotten.
Let’s believe again—together.