The Kingdom Glow

My divine interruption to God’s calling:

Since I was a child, I struggled with the spirit of depression, anxiety, and suicide for as long as I can remember. I battled obesity at a young age which led to severe self-esteem issues later in life. Early on, my kindergarten teacher commented about my low self-esteem on my quarterly report card. It wasn’t communicated to me and progressively worsened over the years. This battle went on for 20 years. At the age of 24, after a traumatic breakup, I finally reached out online to receive mental health help. My pride pushed against me to go. I was embarrassed, felt hopeless, and felt I didn’t deserve to get better. I continued through with it because I wanted a new life. I refused to live in the dark anymore and knew there was so much more for me than what had been in my life until now.
On March 3, 2023, I started a new life on medication. Within a short period, I began to feel hopeful and filled with joy; a feeling I didn’t understand before. I didn’t have the anxious whispers throughout my mind and the voices of suicide tormenting me. In April of the same year, I began to have dreams and night terrors of demonic, evil beings and figures attacking me. There were white angelic spirits that would protect me by fighting for me. At those times, I began talking aloud in my sleep and occasionally waking myself by shouting. It happened almost every night for a few days. One random night, in the middle of my sleep, I felt a double tap on my knee seemingly trying to wake me. Lying on my back facing the ceiling, I pondered and assumed it was a muscle spasm in my leg however, I felt it again. Frustrated that someone was waking me up so early in the morning, I rose quickly and saw a silhouette of a young woman, her hair wrapped with her arms crossed in a waiting position, then disappeared. I was so confused and slightly unnerved at what I had just seen. A few weeks later learned that inside my father’s home, his cousin passed away in her sleep many years ago. I am currently living with my father. I pieced together that maybe she was worried for me whilst I slept in my dreams of torture. During my time of dreams, I had three memorable ones, but one specific night terror placed fear in my soul. The angel of death was staring me directly in my eyes as he repeatedly stabbed me asking, “Why won’t you die?” I didn’t mutter a word and kept gasping for air. In my mind, I wanted to say that God is with me. He finally stopped assaulting me and said, “I will be back.” Everything went black and I awoke.
I HEAVILY contemplated stopping my medicine. My medicine was helping me and obviously I loved the new me I was becoming, but at what cost? I felt as though I was going crazy. I pondered maybe just switching medications.

Two nights later, at 4:40 am I awoke to a loud knocking, almost banging on the front door of my father’s home. Sounded as if someone was breaking in or wanting to startle us. As I was about to run into my father’s room across the hallway, immediately heard his voice praying extra loud. I couldn’t understand what he was saying due to the prayer spoken in tongues. I was still lying in my bed, flushed against the wall with my mouth covered and terrified. I pinched myself in every way to verify that I was indeed, not dreaming. After roughly a minute, the banging stopped, the prayer ended and an extreme quiet took over.
Eventually capable of going back to sleep, I only had less than an hour until my work alarm went off. In retrospect, I don’t know how I went to sleep, but with all of my prayers that night, God gave me a peace that transcended all understanding. When the chance to speak with my father came around I questioned if he heard any noise or dreamt of anything that night to cause him to sleep talk. The confusion then settled in because he hadn’t heard or experienced a thing. My father has also only ever spoken in tongues once in his whole life. Later that day, following work and scared to return home, I asked my mother for advice. It was the best advice for anyone to give me. She told me not to be afraid and to read Psalms 23 every day and night.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

I was nervous and I had not read the bible seriously in my life. I was torn between trusting my mother or ignoring the advice and completely stopping my medicine. I had my best friend, at the time, in one ear telling me to change my medication and my mother in the other ear telling me to read the word of God. This was my very first step truthfully towards God in my faith. To trust that His word would protect me. I believe it’s safe to say that the majority of people who do not know God would have decided to stop the medicine or change prescriptions. With all the familiar voices in my mind, the enemy wanted me to procrastinate on moving towards God. He desired to convince me that I was having hallucinations and delusions, in which I knew it had to be more than that. This was real. After returning home to my father’s house, I take the advice of my mother and use her bible. I didn’t have a bible of my own. That night, I repeated Psalms 23 about ten times before closing my eyes and finally drifting off to sleep.
Night one passed, then day one. Night two passed, then day two. Night three passed, then day three.
It was like an automatic switch in the night. All night terrors, the sleep talking, and the visions of night spirits began to leave. The word of God was fighting against the devil’s grip, he was no longer capable of holding on. My God continues fighting for me daily, I give Him my life.
A year has passed since I finally decided to take that step towards a better life for myself. My life has ultimately changed for the greater because of my Heavenly Father and Lord Jesus. The most minor push towards Him caused an avalanche of favor, love, wisdom, and abundant life given to me. I am a new person to whoever knew me previously, they know me not currently. God has been working in my life in so many ways. My relationship with Him from a few years ago, of treating Him as a genie and crying to Him only when I was in trouble is a thing of the past. We have grown together to be unlike anything I have ever known and my love for Him will honestly endure forever. He has blessed me and washed me clean with the blood of Jesus, my big brother and Lord. It took a while, but I’ve finally forgiven myself for taking so long to repent and return to Him.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

1 Peter 1:23 NIV

To my Papa, thank You for choosing me among my circle. Thank You for choosing and being close to the broken hearted and contrite in spirit. Where would I be without You? Where would I be if I hadn’t taken my mother’s advice and just changed medications? would I still be tormented by the enemy or worse and not had a chance to saved my soul? Thank You, Papa for watching over me that night and using my father for Your Holy Spirit and my mother to speak wisdom into my life. I am forever Yours and I will continue to let You use me in all ways to enlarge Your kingdom on earth.

*Grammatical errors may occur